Ramblings

The struggles of being an introvert

I wasn’t sure what to write about in this week’s blog post so I thought I’d write probably the most honest blog I’ve done so far. I’m an introvert; there I said it. To those who know me well that probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise. I came across this article recently and it gave me a few things to think about.

Misconceptions about introverts I’d like to challenge:

  • Introverts hate people: I have a small but amazing group of friends, family, colleagues etc. who I enjoy spending time with. However, there are certain social situations where I feel quite uneasy and uncomfortable. I sometimes go out of my way to avoid these but that does not mean I don’t want to see people
  • We always want to be alone: Everyone likes their own space sometimes; a relaxing bath or catching up with your favourite TV shows. Introverts, however, can need this more than most. I saw it described somewhere as having to recharge. This is exactly how it feels; after spending a lot of time with a large group of people or even a small one, it’s nice to have time to just relax and unwind and not feel like I’m on edge.
  • Introverts are control freaks: The one thing as an introvert I do hate is unexpected plans. I like to know what I’m doing and when so that I can plan my time. It’s not that I need to be in control of every situation but sometimes impromptu plans can catch me off guard.
  • Introverts hate having fun: This is just not true, everyone has things they love doing and those they don’t. There have been times where I’ve made up excuses rather than just admitting to people that I don’t enjoy certain things.
  • Introverts have nothing to say: I’m very rarely the first one to speak in a large group of people or in a meeting and I’m often told I’m quiet. That doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to say. My mind it too full of thoughts sometimes. I just take my time and choose what to say wisely.
  • We wish we were extroverts: Occasionally there are times I wish I was more confident and out-going. There are probably times it has hindered me. However, it’s who I am. I’m always told I was born in the wrong century and I’ve decided to own that now. I read Jane Austen, think Downton Abbey was one of the best things on TV, and love nothing more than a good cup of tea but I can party with the rest of them.

An honest confession

Along with being an introvert, I do believe at times I’ve experienced elements of social anxiety and it can make me feel like I don’t fit in. A classic example was my first weekend at university. I have never been a big clubber; I don’t enjoy it like the majority of people my age do. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some great nights out with friends and my husband and I love going to the club night Ultimate Power (check out my post about that here). Therefore, once I got to university I had very little experience of going ‘out’. I obviously wanted to bond with my flatmates so we all went down together to the first fresher’s night. I couldn’t even make it into the tent and just suddenly felt terrified that I knew no-one and wasn’t comfortable. Therefore I spent that evening on the phone to my now-husband in tears.

Phone fear

Being an introvert can feel like you’re trying to be someone else and there are times where I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. One of my biggest weaknesses is talking to strangers, I hate this and even more hating using the phone to call or answer to someone I don’t know. One of my responsibilities in a previous job was to answer the incoming phone calls and if would fill me with dread every time. Now, you probably think that’s ridiculous and I can’t really justify it. I was just always worried that I would do or say something wrong or cut the person off (something I did on numerous occasions). However, it’s not all negative.

What makes being an introvert great

  • We’re great listeners: I’m proud of the fact that friends feel they can come to me with problems. I have been known to be an agony aunt and like to think I can offer advice without judging and I always keep things to myself. Introverts are empathetic and let people unload.
  • We’re really imaginative and creative: I love reading and watching films that take me off somewhere else. I’ve always had an active imagination and that’s why I’ve always wanted to be a writer.
  • We’re passionate and have strong moral compasses: The causes I care about, I really care about and

So my main aim with this blog post was to let all the introverts out there know they’re not alone and it’s ok to feel this way. To my friends reading this, sorry if you ever feel I haven’t wanted to spend time with you, I love you all x

Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash

Wedding

Things they don’t tell you about planning a wedding

So it’s been a few months now but I’ve finally got around to writing a blog about my wedding. I got married in August and it was a wonderful day. I was told many times that I was a pretty chilled and relaxed bride; I never wanted to turn into a bridezilla. However, inside I did feel stressed. Buying a house and getting a mortgage at the same time as planning a wedding probably didn’t help. Here are a few things I wish I’d known or listened to when it was my turn and hopefully these tips can help someone else:

  • You can easily go overboard with the spending and I can see how people do it. Put the word wedding in front of anything and the price skyrockets. Photography is a key example of this, we went to many wedding fairs and saw photography packages where you could pay well over a grand and only get digital copies at the end of it. Having a photographer stay around after the ceremony and speeches in many cases required an extra cost. Thankfully we used Bradley Wedding Photography. Ray and Sandra were fabulous and stayed there for the whole day. You can do a wedding reasonably. Set a budget, find out if you have any friends or family that can help out. Our amazing wedding cake was made by my best friend’s mum. You’ll be amazed how many people are happy to help.
  • Weddings can bring out the best and worst in people. Some unexpected people will really step up and help you in so many ways whether that’s letting you rant about something or throw you an awesome hen party. You might even find out that some people have more opinions about your day than you. Take no notice and don’t let anyone ruin your day.
  • You’ll look forward to it being over. The planning that is. You spend so long building up to this one day that you’ll be wishing yourself on honeymoon before the wedding. Try and enjoy the planning stage as much as you can.
  • Something will go wrong. In the grand scheme of things, as long as your nearest and dearest are there and your bride or groom turns up, you will not notice what else happens. I forgot my shoes but luckily my lovely driver did a detour and we were able to pick them up. If I’d had to wear sandals walking down the aisle however, it wouldn’t have ruined the day. Unfortunately, the day goes so quickly that you don’t have time to notice everything. We’d love to go back and do it again and actually take everything in.
  • You’ll spend so long worrying about other people when you really should just focus on the two of you. It’s your day and you should do what you want. Regardless of what others say or think. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what colour your table cloth is, no-one will remember anything except what a brilliant day it was.

If you want any wedding advice from someone who’s recently done it or have any other tips, please leave a comment.